You hear so many people who think women are supposed to be in a relationship with someone just because they’re nice to you and are commitment minded.
Well yes, those are non-negotiables, but it’s a little more complicated than that.
There’s got to be some Yin and Yang, some polarity for things to heat up in the bedroom. He was overweight and not her physical type; he dressed poorly, but she loved many of his qualities. He treated her with tremendous respect, always driving over an hour to meet her. It’s too early to know where this relationship will go, but for now, Lori is happy.
I have read through over 40 pages of archives from your blog, and I can’t find the answer to this one. He really likes me a lot and has been clear about that. –TJ Dear TJ, Thanks for the important question, and for giving me a platform to clear up some misconceptions about what I teach.
It’s the building of expectations that makes the sudden drop immediately afterwards so satisfying; just launching into the ride – the way some coasters do – is less satisfying.
When people – usually guys – talk about “the thrill of the chase” in dating, they’re talking about the lead up to the “conquest”, the heady feeling of inevitability that grows like an orgasm to a crescendo before you reach the point of no return.
You think my advice is telling you to keep him when you don’t want to keep him. You need to have a personal chemistry with your partner. You need to feel like you can relax around him and be your best self.
If you’re merely tolerating him, rather than enjoying him, you’re wasting both his time and your time. Similarly, if there’s no physical chemistry – meaning, anything less than a 5 or a 6 in that department – cut him loose. You shouldn’t force yourself into believing that he’s cute because he’s nice.
They don’t need to be good looking, but you need to feel happy with their face, and their touch. Chemistry is a mix of sexual tension and emotional and intellectual engagement, and it can be built, if you know how. Sexual tension is desire for someone that is somehow thwarted, whether by circumstance, obstacles… But we’re talking about desire, not materialism, right? The closer you get to actually getting it but without actually being able to achieve it causes the desire to grow.Sexual tension – deliberately building and then frustrating sexual interest – is all about the lead-up.This is the key to sexual tension: the build up and then the release. Think of it like a pressurized tank of gas: it has an emergency release valve.