This means that instead of navel-gazing and pondering, you’re coming at the difficult things in life with humour and a lightness of touch.A couple that can laugh together, even mid-row, is in a healthy place. Developing a relationship with yourself, deepened by solitary pursuits, hobbies and taking time out from work and relationships, will pay huge dividends with your partner.Try to establish a friendship with the most sympathetic of your in-laws who can be your defender, if necessary, when you are not present.An ally in the family can also fill in aspects of the past that may help you to understand your partner. If you’re tempted to check your partner’s inbox or online history, stop, talk to yourself (whatever the psychologists say, it’s good for you).
But if you can both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you and why, you are more likely to understand each other better.
Ask, “Wait a minute, am I doing this because I think my partner is up to no good?
” If so, have it out with him or her – you don’t need evidence, you need a conversation. The internet is a great place for expressing wishful thinking – but it’s important your partner is able to talk to you about those feelings.
It’s natural that attention shifts to the children, but it’s a good idea to remember why you are together, and have a child together, in the first place.
It’s possible to make it work by setting aside a time in the week and asking a relative to mind the children. Invest in the relationship with your partner’s family. Keep yours smooth by remembering birthdays and anniversaries, by butting out of family disputes, and by never forcing your partner into the position of taking sides with you against their mother, father or siblings – those relationships go back a long way.